How Do I Unlove Thee?

unlove. (verb) – to cease to love.

Some of us would think if there are ways to love a person, then perhaps there are ways to unlove them.

(No, this is not cheesy.)

Break-ups are all the rage these days! And I’m appalled by the reasons behind majority of them. The circumstances that leave us with no other option sometimes make it more difficult for us to deal with reality. Surviving a relationship break-up can be one of the toughest things we do and crawling out of the emotional processes involved proves to be draining.

How do I unlove him/her?

As for my own opinion, you can’t. You can’t unlove a person as much as you can’t undo the things from the past.

If I have asked Kenny Rogers the same question, he’d probably start singing to me his answer which goes,

I can’t unthink about you
I can’t unfeel your touch
I can’t unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart’s been through
And finding out it’s impossible to do
Oh, it’s no use
I can’t unlove you

One of the biggest mistakes we do after a break-up is to force ourselves to stop loving that person. Just because you have broken up, feelings would start flying off the window and puff, gone! Well, that is so not the case. Although we can’t unlove the other person, we always have the choice of moving on. Unless, of course, you have other plans.

First and foremost, a break-up is a concrete example of loss – the loss of the relationship, shared dreams and commitments. It causes disruption in our routines and responsibilities. It can be emotionally exhausting and at times incapacitating.

Moving past a relationship is a process akin to grieving. But no one has died, right? Basically, you are mourning the loss of “US”. Not you, not him/her but you with him/her.

Unlike experiencing loss from a death of a loved one, break-ups complicate the traditional grief process especially when there is an ongoing interaction with the other party involved in the relationship. The likelihood of getting back together is high and poses a difficulty in some of the stage of grief as it can change the dynamics of the relationship.

It’s important to have a good understanding of the five stages of grief or the layers of hell, as I pleasantly call it. To lighten the mood and have an easier association and understanding of the five stages of grief according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, here’s an epic picture example of a green monster’s love affair with french fries.


On my next blog, I will be discussing about those five stages of grief through the lens of relationships. I’m not posing as an expert in the love department but let me try to shed a light to some of the questions you probably have in mind. And I’ll be writing down some healthy strategies to cope with your break -up.

If you have any questions you’d like to be addressed, kindly comment them below or you may send it to


6 thoughts on “How Do I Unlove Thee?

  1. I love your take on breakups. And you’re so right. You don’t and CAN’T throw those feelings out the window, although you may want to, just to make it hurt less. I will definitely be following your blog to read your next post.
    -rad gal

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